Serial dreams and heartache

I know why this is happening.

For the past week, every other night or so, I have dream installments. They involve Dan and he’s not dead. He just decided he didn’t care for the way his life was going and he wanted a clean break. A new start.

Dan tossed his cookies
Dan tossed his cookies

The first dream was one of those that happens when you’re just becoming conscious, but essentially still asleep.

It’s an idea born of fleeting hope and that hope usually dies a quickly after the passing of a loved one. Denial is one of the steps of grief. Right after Dan’s death I had the barest split-nano-second thought that maybe the police got it wrong.  Now, the idea has apparently sprung up in my subconscious again and my dream spit it out at me.

I awoke confused. Then the realization flooded back. Dan. Is. Dead. He is dead. Dead. Dan is not coming back. End of.

So a couple nights later, I dreamt that I was at work, telling someone about this first dream and said I knew it wasn’t a dream, that Dan has been calling and he’s alive. In the dream, I’m worried about blocking unknown calls on my cell because even though I have Dan’s old number, he’s not going to call from there! He’s changed his name and location. Plus, he keeps moving around and the number will never be the same. He’s using burner phones.

Again, I awoke confused. Realization flooded back. Dan. Is. Dead. He is dead. Dead. Dan is not coming back. End of. Or so I thought.

Last night, I dreamt that I went to that same person and said I had proof that I wasn’t delusional. Another friend heard my phone call with Dan. I went from office to office looking for my phone so I could text this person as my witness.

So here’s the reason all this has been kicking around recently. The election always put Dan front and center in my brain. He loved politics, but I know he’d be as disgusted with this one as I am.

Because of the election, I am getting a lot of calls from the candidates and the DNC. Every day there are calls and most of them are blocked numbers.

There has also been an incredible uptick of spam calls. Telemarketers and their ilk know they aren’t allowed to call cell phones, but that hasn’t slowed them, not even a little. Some of the numbers show but mostly they’re “unknown” or “unavailable” on the caller ID. FCC and the Do Not Call lists are useless.

A friend of mine pointed out that people are allowed to block their name and number from caller IDs. I pointed out that it’s my right to block those who do. Well, what if someone you know who blocks their number is trying to get me? They’ll be blocked. See how that feeds into the Dan and burner phone thing?

So between the politics and spam calls … damn.

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