Piece of My Heart

I’ve been listening to Janis sing that song. I wonder how many pieces of your heart you can lose and still be able to love.

I know the more love you give, the more love you have. But what about those stolen bits of the heart?

There have been several men who shattered my heart and took bits with them when they left: Dad, Dan, ex-boyfriends and an ex-husband. Is there a point when too many pieces have been stolen that you are no longer able to love?

Or maybe what some of them steal isn’t just pieces of the heart. Maybe what they steal is hope. You’re not living if you don’t have hope.

Maybe it’s the willingness to take a risk that was stolen. I used to be willing to take a generous amount of emotional risk, but not now. I know exactly the event that made me avoid emotional risks as though I am avoiding the plague. I’m not saying it’s his fault. I’m simply saying I avoid emotional risk since that event.

None of this was intentional — on either side. Just simple human interaction and either failed relationships or death. These guys didn’t set out to break my heartand to steal pieces. It’s just a hazard of living day by day. I know I could learn to take emotional risks and to love again.

But for now, I just don’t have the heart.