Have you any idea?

Dear Dan,

Have you any idea what the later implications of your suicide have been?

First of all, at almost two years since the date, we still think of you every day. Every single day. When Dad died after a year or so I began to get used to the idea he was no longer around. But you — never a day goes by that you are not part of the conversation.

Two nights ago, mom woke up and asked if I called her. When I said no, she started to cry because she realized she was having a dream about you and you were the one calling out to her.

Today, she used you as blackmail. “I already lost one child….”

For some reason I keep getting ready to pick up the phone and call you. Once was because I found an interesting website with family history. Of course that reminded me of the emails you sent with the site where you found grandad’s military papers and the census records.

But all this is ok since it’s better than the alternative — which is not thinking about you every day.

I love you Danny.