Mom and Dan together

With Dan’s birthday three days away, I’ve been thinking about Mom and Dan. I’ve been thinking about them a lot and two thoughts have occurred to me.

First, they have given me my new mantra: Not to worry; a good rain will take care of that. I’ll use it after the mantra I stole from “Miss Congeniality:” Dali Lama, Dali Lama, Dali Lama.

Last August, as I scattered their ashes, I was once again hit with the realization that cremains are not like fireplace ashes. When Dan was cremated, some of his ashes were set aside for me to place with Mom’s once she was gone. (Yes, her wishes, not Dan’s, but I don’t think he’d be upset. I don’t think he thought of the possibility.) The rest were scattered by his executor and friend, Harley. I wasn’t in Kansas City when it was done, so it didn’t occur to me that, unlike fireplace ash, cremains don’t just melt away.

The first place I scattered Mom and Dan was an area we used to go to as a family. It is a place with many happy memories and it sounded like a good choice when Mom and I talked about scattering cremains as an abstract idea.

I chose the exact spot we hung out as a family when we spent some summer Sunday mornings in that location. The water looked deep, but when I poured the ashes into the murky water, I discovered looked was the operative word. The depth was actually only about one foot. White ash looked stark against the bottom of the lake. Oh, well. Not to worry; a good rain will take care of that.

The second area was near a spillway Mom used to climb up and down as a teen. Now, because that is a ridiculously dangerous thing to do, you can’t get near the spillway. So I chose the stream that the spillway feeds. Again, pretty obvious ashes on the stream bed. Not to worry; a good rain will take care of that.

There were similar occurrences at the last two spots and the same mantra: Not to worry; a good rain will take care of that.

Second, Mom (and Dad) and Dan make me sparkle. My dear friend Elizabeth put this on my Facebook wall:


“I thought you would be amused at the idea of Mom and Dan making you sparkly. Much love ”  — Elizabeth

Yep, I sparkle. A lot. And that is somehow very comforting. Of course, when I get sad about what (whom) I’ve lost, I think: Not to worry; a good rain will take care of that and Dali Lama, Dali Lama, Dali Lama. Then I remember I sparkle.

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