Four months

I’ve hit the four-month mark. Nothing seems so different from the one month, two month, three month mark. I’ve been doing “stuff.” I go to work. I come home. I’ve gone through clothing and possessions — except for photos. I can’t do that yet.

Two photos in frames that sat on mom’s bookcase forever are missing. One was of her dad and one was of mine. They’re gone. I take that as a sign of everyone’s displeasure.

I still haven’t scattered mom’s ashes. I will. It’s just that last bit of her and I hate to let go, but I must and I will. I’ll keep the promise.

The funeral bill is paid. I had a new (desperately needed) HVAC put in and that’s paid off. I’ve moved some things around, but I still haven’t moved into the bedroom. The large bookcase it going to be an issue. It’s too tall to get through the doorway in the upright position. If I walk it down to get it into the living room, how do I get it back to the standing position? I really want it out of there, but it’s particle board and laminate, so Centre Peace won’t take it. If worse comes to worst, I can take a hammer and dismantle it. Yes, in some ways I’m my mother’s girl and a 7′ tall bookcase is no match for me! Mom was great with a hammer.

I have mentally rearranged the furniture dozens of times. Now I want to do it for reals! I’m also planning the scattering, so I guess I’m moving forward at least a little.